"A Good Death" and COVID-19 by Dave Smoot

Latest update: 10 December 2025

Dave Smoot reminded me in an email about how customs relating to death are affected by circumstances of the time during the COVID-19 pandemic. As he pointed out, the human condition transcends historical period. He gave me permission to share his email with you. Here's what Dave wrote: 

The Victorian concept of the, "Good Death", when a person became critically sick or injured, emphasized the presence of family and friends being present at home during the illness and especially during the final moments prior to death. The Civil War sent countless Johnnys and Billys  to die far away from home and family, denying to everyone that part of the Good Death.

From Dave's "Civil War Hospitals in Beaufort Presentation", 2019

Fast forward to our time. It is too often the norm that covid victims meet their end away from home and without the comforting presence of family. So many hospitals severely restrict or forbid visitation altogether on grounds of curbing the spread of this plague. Even after death, this isolation continues. Some funeral homes impose the same restrictions as do the hospitals: few or no family present for the viewing. The graveside service is the last time for the family to pay their respects to the deceased and even that can be restricted or denied.

The crushing heartbreak felt by families of those Civil War soldiers who gave their last on distant fields is comparable to the same feelings of those suffering loss from the covid. There is one difference between then and now. Then, the deceased were separated from their families by miles and miles of distance. Now, for many, the separation is a glass wall in a hospital. So near and yet so far.

#AloneTogether we can help stop the spread of COVID-19. 

What struck me most, though, was how his words touched my heart. He made me empathize on a deeper level with the heartache of countless mid-19th century American mothers, fathers, children, aunts, friends, and cousins as those lists of dead reached the local communities throughout the country. I think that it was the first time that as a human I tuned into how the families experienced the pain of not being present when their loved ones died during the Civil War. I was fortunate to be able to say good-by to both of my parents. I felt it because my heart bleeds for all those who have lost loved ones to COVID-19 during this public health crisis.